she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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