i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
