Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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