my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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