He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
