You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
