4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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