I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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