Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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