whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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