I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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