Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
