I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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