I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
