like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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