Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
