we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?