dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
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You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something