Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
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He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...