I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I will pee on everything he values.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize