I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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