guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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