yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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