i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
