sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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