I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize