Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
