so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
