how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
