We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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