I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
