The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
