Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
