I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
