i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So squirting runs in the family.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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