youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
