Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
