Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
