She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
