Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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