I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
