worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
