Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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