He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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