she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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