Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
