I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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