i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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