You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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