Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
