I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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