Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
