I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
