When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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