Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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