break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
