i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
