Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I pour the whiskey from now on
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
