I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
