please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
