I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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