I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
