At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
