I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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