okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
