i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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