Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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