my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Four minutes until I can fart!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
