i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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