i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
