We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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