he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
