Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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