in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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