He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
