stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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