my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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