There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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