I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
