i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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