Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
