I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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