Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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